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My Driver, my Destiny

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My Driver, my Destiny

Post by eneri06 on Tue Dec 08 2009, 00:51

My Driver, My Destiny



“Aren’t you tired?”

“You know Cherry, in my dictionary, there’s no such thing as tired or hard. All I know is that I’m doing everything I can for my family” I explain to her. I glance at my watch, it’s almost 4 pm. I have to hurry.

“Minsche, please” I say as soon as I get inside the taxi.

“Are you alright, Miss?” the driver asked me looking at the rear mirror. “Uhm, yeah. I’m just in a hurry. I have to get there on time.” I say as I fix my bag. “Thank you” I say giving him the money.

I went to the nurse’s station. “Janice, what’s happening?” “Mr. Peterson has high fever and he doesn’t want to take his medicine”.

I went to room 103. “Mr. Petterson?” I say knocking at the door. “Yes. Come in.” he said in a very elderly voice. Of course, he is old. What do you expect from an 86-year-old man? “Mr. Petterson, you have to take your medicine.” I say offering him the tablets.

“Penelope, you have a call. It’s Cecile.” I turn around. “Oh, Sheila. Ok, just a minute.” “It’s urgent. Your mom, she’s at the hospital.” “Could you please take care of him at the moment?” I say intensely. “Hello, Cecile?” “Penelope, we are here at the hospital.” “I’ll be right there.” I say.

I went out, running. “Hi, Miss”. It’s the driver leaning in his cab. “Oh. Hi. What are you doing here?” “Well, you forgot something.” he said handing me my journal.

My journal contains all the things I have to do. “You’re a very busy person” he says. I give a weird look. He must have read it. “Yeah. Well, could you possibly take me to the hospital?” “Of course” he said as I go inside his taxi.

“So, why are you so busy?” he breaks off the silence. “Well, I have a lot of work. I do house work as a domestic helper and at night I am a caregiver.”

“I’m Alex” he says “I’m Penelope” I say as he parks the car in the hospital. “Thank you again” I say, hurrying.

As I went there, I see Cecile finished talking with the doctor. “How’s Mom? What did the doctor say?” “The doctor said she’s fine. She had a mild stroke. But she’ll be in good health” “Thank God” I sigh.

I sat down on the bench. Suddenly, my phone rang. It’s a number not registered on my phonebook.

“Hello?” “Penelope, this is Alex. I saw your number so I decided to call you. I was thinking would you like me to be your driver? You know, so that you won’t be waiting for taxis” “That sounds fine for me.” “I’ll just be here at the parking” “Alright”

Just as I’m about to sit up straight, Cecile called me. “Penelope!” she cried. I went to her. “What?! What happened?” “Mom, she’s dying” I rush to the room but the doctors told us not to come in.

I can see her thru the window. She’s pitiful. “What’s happening?” I say intensely. The doctor went out the room. “Doc, what happened?” I ask patiently. “I’m so sorry. We tried our best. But she gave up.” I started crying as I hear those words.

I went down the hall. Suddenly, someone sat beside me.

“Are you alright?” I look up, it’s Alex. “She’s gone” I say gazing at his blue eyes. I don’t know what happened, but out of the blue, I see myself in Alex’s arms.

“I’m sorry” I say as I let go off his arms. “I feel so depressed” “It’s fine, I understand. Condolence to you and your family” “Thank you” I say.

“Do you know any other part-time job?” I say. We are on our way to my house. “For what?” “Of course, now that my mother is gone, I have to work harder” “I know one. My friend is looking for a part-time cashier in his restaurant. I’ll just give you his number” he says gladly. “Uhm. About my schedule, here” I say as I give him a paper “Thank you” he replied.

As soon as I enter my house, I went inside my room, got changed and went to bed. Obviously, I want to be alone. It’s like, “Why? Why have You taken her from us that soon? I know she is sick, but why didn’t You warn us?” I am so guilty. I feel really guilty. We had an argument before she died and we haven’t even fix it yet.

The next day, I went down. I see Alex in his taxi. “Hi. You’re early.” I smile. “Let’s get going.”

“So, how was your night?” he asks “I didn’t sleep that well. You know, kinda stressed.”

I say acting as if it’s true. The truth is I really didn’t sleep at all. I feel remorse until now. I have not yet recovered from her death.

For over a month, this has been my daily routine: I wake up, eat, work, and sleep.

It’s another Friday morning. I have no work to do. On Fridays, I do my groceries. But today, since my fridge is still full because Alex often treats me at Mark’s restaurant, I will just be at home watching movies.

I have a lot of movies, but I hardly watch them. Only my mom watches them when she gets bored at my house. I remember one time she watched a movie until 3 in the morning. My God! Instead of wasting my time for a movie, I will just be asleep. She really is fond of watching. I bought the television just for her. That’s why when I see the TV, I always remember her.

“Hi, Alex” I say as I see him “Hi. Good morning” he says smiling “Looks like you’re in good mood today.” I say as I go inside the cab.

After a while, he started talking. I notice that he always starts the conversation.

“Speaking of salary, here is your monthly income” I say handing him the money. “No. No need. It’s ok” he utters. “Why? Don’t you have any family?” I ask in curiosity. I have never met anyone who doesn’t receive payment given to them. “I don’t live with my parents” he says “Don’t you have a wife?” “No” “Girlfriend?” I ask “I will, if you answer me” “What?” I ask in shock “Can you be my girlfriend?” he says stopping the car at the side of the road. “Are you serious?” “Yes”

I never had any serious relationship, except, in my college days. But that is different from now. Carlo didn’t even date me, plus, he is a two-timer. He just used me because he liked my best friend. Good thing I wasn’t serious with him. Ever since that relationship lasted, I never had any other connection with boys.

Honestly, Alex is good man. He is funny, sincere, understanding, a gentleman and very good looking. However, he is just a taxi driver. He cannot support me financially.
“Can I think?” I say at last. “Ok. I understand” he says. I can see the sadness in his face.

The next day, we didn’t talk to each other in the car. I think I have hurt him so much. I am still bothered.

I walk to the change room. “You look worried” said Janice. “Uhm. It’s nothing.” Yes. I am worried. I don’t know what’s happening. I feel dizzy with everything running through my head. “I heard about your mom. Condolence. Are you still upset with what happened to her?” she asked, concerned. “Yeah. A little” I say with a fake smile.

I went to room 103. “Mr. Petterson. Good morning. How are you?” I ask him as I get his tablets. “Here, Sir. Take your medicine.” I say.

All of a sudden, I see bubbles flowing off his mouth.

“What’s happening?” I say, frightened. I rush to the door. “Sheila, call the doctor.” I shout. “Why?” asks Janice. “Mr. Petterson” I say, quivering. “What?” she says. She went in. “You poisoned him” she said “You gave him the wrong medicine.” I started crying. I walk forward. “Mr. Petterson, I am so sorry.” I say, weeping.

“Surprise!” I didn’t turn around. What on earth are they doing? They are having fun instead of being miserable.

“Happy birthday” I hear a voice. I look up. It’s Mr. Petterson. I cannot believe it. He’s alive. I stood up, turn around and I see a lot of people. The whole team is here. My brother and sister are here, and even Alex. All the doctors and staff. I see a banner, it says ‘Happy Birthday’. I laugh. So all of this is only a trick? They fooled me. I turn to Mr. Petterson. “I really thought you died”. He smiled.

After eating, Janice went to me “We decided to surprise you.” “You really surprised me” I say with a smile. “You are always so busy. See, you didn’t even remember your own birthday” she said and we all had a big laugh.

“I really enjoyed.” I say to Janice “Thank you.” “Oh. That’s nothing” she replied. “It’s nothing compared to all the things you have been doing. Sometimes, you need to think of yourself. Give yourself time to enjoy, to have fun. Life is too short, you know” she said. She really is good at giving advices.
“Penelope, you are twenty-nine years old, for God’s sake. You can’t give everything for others. Other people take advantage of your kindness” she says then she walked away.

I went in the car and sit at the passenger’s seat.

“Yes” I say facing Alex. “What yes?” “Yes. I want to be your girlfriend” “I LOVE YOU PENELOPE JONES!” he shouts out the window. People are looking at us. “I LOVE YOU ALEX ANDERSON!” I did the same.

We hold hands as we walk thru Mark’s restaurant. Alex walks to Mark. He whispers at him about something. After that, Mark greeted me a happy birthday. “Thank you” I say humbly. He did not let me work for the whole night. He treated us in his restaurant. “For another fruitful year…” Mark says. We all raise our glasses. “…and for a happy and lifelong relationship. May God bless you both” he added.

Alex accompanied me to my apartment.

“Thank you. Thank you so much for being with me on my special day.” “I’m glad. Good night” he said “Sweet dreams” “I love you” “I love you too” I say as I kiss him.

I close the door, and giggle. “Is this a dream?” I ask myself. Well, if it is, then this is the best dream I have ever had.

“Good morning, Cherry” I say gladly. “Hey, hey, hey. You look strange. Did something happen, huh?” she whispered. “Nothing” I deny.

“Penelope?” I look back. It’s madam Clarisse.

I have been working for her for only a few months from now as a part-time domestic helper. She is very rich. Her family owns a lot of businesses. She is one of the most prestigious businesswomen in America. Now, she stays at her condo because she is taking care of their new business.

“Yes madam.” “Penelope, I told you, you don’t need to call me madam. Just call me Mrs. Smith” “Yes, madam. Oops. I mean, Mrs. Smith” I say. I am not used to calling her Mrs. Smith.

“You just came?” she asked. “Yes, Mrs. Smith. I’m sorry I was late.” “Its fine, I understand. Here.” she said, giving me an envelope. I opened it, and saw $ 100.
“What is this for?” I ask courteously. “Isn’t it your birthday yesterday? It’s my gift for you.” “Thank you so much, Mrs. Smith.” She smiled.

“Now, get dressed. I want you all to wear something elegant. We will be going to a first class restaurant” she said. “Penelope, come here”.

We went to her gigantic room. She showed me her closet with a lot of well-designed dresses.

“Which one is best?” she asked me, holding two dresses. “The one on your right” I say pointing to the blue dress with shimmering diamonds. “So, you like to wear this?” she said. “Me?” “Yes. Now, go get dressed” she said handing me the dress.

“Mrs. Smith?” I say as I went out the bathroom. “Penelope, you look gorgeous. We just have to add little bit of jewelry. It’s good we are of the same size” she said.

“Penelope, you look amazing. It’s simple yet elegant. You’re so beautiful” she said after she puts on several jewelries on me. I look at myself in the mirror. Honestly, she’s right. I really look so beautiful. Everything looks perfect on me, the shoes, the jewelries and even the dress.

“Is she really like this?” I ask Cherry while we were in Mrs. Smith’s limousine. “Yes” “Really? What did she do on your birthday?” “Well, we had dinner at her mansion” “That’s cool. So you’ve met her family?” “Yes. Everyone was there. And they all gave me $100 each” “That’s unbelievable. Only few rich families are as down-to-earth as hers” I say in amazement.

We went to a place called Little Paris. I have never been there. The place looks so classy. Like it’s only exclusive for rich people. We had lunch at a very famous restaurant. It is so luxurious.

“Thank you, Mrs. Smith” I say to her. “Oh. Don’t mind about it. It’s your birthday. You have the right to be happy. And we only have birthdays once a year” she says hugging me.

She didn’t make me work for the whole day. Instead, she made me have my day off.

I went home. I grab my phone and called Alex. “Alex, I’m at home. I am just reminding you not to pick me up today. My madam gave me a day off” “Alright. By the way, are you free on Saturday?” “Yes” “Great. I will pick you up at 6 in the evening, ok?” “Sure. Bye” I say shutting the phone close.

I got up early. It’s weird because I don’t usually wake up that early on Saturdays. I feel something big is going to happen.

I reach for my phone as it rings. “Alex” “Nel, I just want to remind you. I will pick you up at 6” “Oh, right. Thanks for reminding me. See you”

I went to the kitchen. I got myself busy with cooking. At around 5:30 I took a bath and get dressed.

“Nel, I’m here down stairs. Are you ready?” he says when he called me on my receiver. “Yes. I’ll be there in a moment” I say as I wear my shoes on. I went down and see Alex leaning on a Mercedes. He took my hand as I walk. We rode on the Mercedes. “Is this yours?” I ask him in curiosity. “No. It’s my friend’s” he replied.

We went to a park. The place was once a resident to a queen. It is so peaceful and romantic. As we sit on a bench, I see someone taking pictures, but I don’t mind him that much. In front of us, I see a lake and the palace. Alex then holds my hand. Something really big is happening. Afterwards, I see a poster written: HAPPY MONTHSARY, LOVE.

It is our monthsary, and I didn’t even remember? Then to my surprise, I see fireworks in the sky. I was so stunned. But how can he afford such things? Well, I don’t want to know. Not now that I am enjoying his company. I just know that I love him, and he loves me.

“I’m sorry I have no gift for you” “It’s fine, as long as you are with me. I knew you didn’t remember” he smiles. “I love you” he says “I love you too” I whisper, facing him, looking at his blue eyes. “I am so grateful being with you. I feel very lucky to be loved by you” he says.

Days came by so fast that I didn’t even remember my brother’s graduation. I went to his school but the ceremony was over.

“Congratulations, Paul!” I say hurrying to him. Paul is my youngest brother. We don’t see each other that much because he lives with Cecile.

“Hi, Penelope” “I’m sorry I was late” “It’s alright. I’m contented, as long as you came. Look, I already got my diploma” he says, showing me his certificate. “I’m so happy for you. Next thing you should do is look for a work. You can apply as a nurse at HFA.” “Great. I’ll just make a resume” he says gladly.

“This diploma is for you” he says giving me the certificate. “For all the hard work you have done for us. For all the things you gave us, for being our second mother and for being a good breadwinner. Thank you” My eyes got teary. “It’s nothing” I say.” “It’s not nothing. We couldn’t have made it without you” says Cecile.

I also helped Cecile finish with her studies. She is a lawyer. She even graduated with a degree. I couldn’t believe it I have helped finish a nurse and a lawyer. All my hard work has not become useless.

After that, we ate at Mark’s restaurant. The night was filled with laughter and fun. We had a wonderful evening.

The next day, Alex told me that there will be a family gathering at his house next week. Then, he dropped me off at HFA.

As I walk thru the hall, people are looking at me, they are murmuring.

“What’s happening?” I say as I see a group of nurses at the station. “Penelope, look” said Sheila. “You’re in the newspaper” I went to her.

Yes. It’s true. And the picture they used is taken from the park the other day. I am in the headline: Son of the famous business man, Michael Smith, is dating a non-showbiz girl. Alex is from a wealthy family? I must call him immediately to make things clear. “Hello, Alex meet me at the cafeteria” I say shutting the phone.

“What is this about?” I say showing him the paper. “That’s nothing” “Why didn’t you tell me?” “What will I tell you?” “That you’re rich” “Ok fine, I’ll tell you. We are wealthy. Our family owns a lot of businesses. I work temporarily at our taxi business. We have a lot of houses and cars and stuff” he explains “Tell me, are you Alex Anderson?” I ask curiously. “Uhm. Well, I am Alex Anderson but my real name is Frederick Alexander Anderson Smith. People do not call me Alex Anderson; they call me Derek Smith” he clarifies “Why do you have to pretend?” “I have learned from my past relationship. Natalie loved me not for what I am, but for my wealth. She just used me. I have loved her so much that I gave her everything. If I will not pretend, do you think someone will still love me for me? The fireworks and stuff from the other day, those were clues. I want you to realize where I get those stuff” he explains. “So the Mercedes is yours?” “No. It really is my friend’s” Now I get it. “I am sorry I didn’t tell you earlier” “It’s okay. I understand” I say smiling

“So, what happened?” asks Janice. “It’s nothing. I just knew the truth” I say, and then I started working.

It’s another Saturday morning. I have to prepare myself. It’s almost 11:30 and Alex will be arriving any time. I took a bath and started getting myself ready. I chose the most decent dress I have. I need to be neat and clean.

Today, I will be meeting the parents. I will be having lunch with them. Oh my God. I can’t believe it. “Penelope, relax.”I say to myself. You don’t have to be nervous. I took a deep breath. All of a sudden, my phone rang. It’s Alex. Obviously, I don’t call him Derek.

I went out the door. A man in a suit is standing right in front of the door, like a statue. “Who are you?” I ask “Are you Ms. Penelope Jones?” he asks “Yes I am. Is there anything I can do for you?” “Mr. Derek Smith told me to pick you up. He is waiting for you downstairs” he says. “Alright. You can go now” “No ma’am. Sir told me not to leave you. He told me to assist you” he says “Ok” I say locking the door.

We went down the building. To my astonishment, the driver in an outfit opened the limousine, then, Alex went out. “Are you ready?” I ask. He is just there, staring at me. “Hello?” I say snapping my fingers in front of his face. “Oh. Sorry” he says “You look wonderful. I was just stunned” he adds. I giggle as he says those words. “Let’s just go, you know” I say going inside the car.

The house is so big. “Sir” the houseboy says looking at Alex. “Ma’am” he says looking at me “lunch is ready” he says. Then, all of a sudden the houseboy curtseys. “Does he really do that?” I whisper at Alex “Yes. Actually, mom doesn’t like them to curtsey” he explains.

I walk with Alex with my head down. We went to the porch. The porch is located near the beach. It is so wonderful. Everyone is here his mother, father and other relatives.

“Great. They’re here” I hear a familiar voice. My head is still down. “Penelope?!” I look up. It’s Mrs. Smith. “You are Derek’s girlfriend?” she asks. Oh my God. I didn’t know. I have no idea. Mrs. Smith is Alex’s mom? This can’t be happening. She might not approve to our relationship.
“You know each other?” Alex asks. “Well, yeah. She is my helper” Mrs. Smith replied. “Alex, can I talk to you for a moment, in private” I ask him “Excuse me” he says to everyone.

“Don’t worry, Penelope. I already told them” “What? What did you tell them?” “Everything” “They know that I am a housekeeper and a caregiver and a waitress?” “Yes! So, you know mom?” “Yes” “That’s great” he says. I sigh. I went back to the table.

After a while, Alex went back to the table but he didn’t sit. I look at him eye-to-eye. Then, he hit the glass with a fork.

“Everyone, I would like to announce something special”.

He kneels and takes my hand. “Penelope, I love you so much. Will you marry me?” he says while opening a case with a very beautiful ring in it.

Did he just propose? Oh my God. I look at everyone. And with no hesitations I say “Yes”. And he hugged me real tight. And everyone congratulated us.

After lunch, I stood by the seashore.

“I am so happy for both of you” “Mrs. Smith” I say as I turn around. “From now on, I want you to call me Mommy” she smiles. “Yes Mommy” I say “You know, Derek has told me a lot of things about you. He told me that he will do everything for you” she added “I am so glad Derek has found his one and only love. I am so grateful. Of all the girls, he chose you. You are such a wonderful woman. You are so loving, intelligent and hardworking” “I will love him as much as he has loved me. And I will not be tired of loving him all my life” “Congratulations once again” she said.

Shortly, Alex embraced me tightly. “This is the best day of my life” he says “Me too” I reply. Then, fireworks zoom through the sky.

“We’ll be staying here for the night” he says “It’s alright. There’s no rush” I say.


-The End-




By: Natalie Valencia
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Re: My Driver, my Destiny

Post by Beejay1231 on Tue Dec 08 2009, 01:15

Good job on the story but still needs improvement. I just want to point out some things. Please don't be offended as this is a critique for you to improve. Very Happy

- The first thing you should consider is grammar and using the proper words. You don't just put random words on a story but instead, put something with a deeper meaning or words called deep words. Creating a story with less deep words just makes it a stereotype story.

- Your descriptions and dialogues need work. I know this is a one-shot but in order for people to visualize how your characters look like, you need to fill in something to describe your character.

- Use past tense instead of present tense. A story is actually like a recorded event so there's no reason to use present tense but the requirement is to use past tense. But, there might be exemptions especially when you're using a different word structure like: Looking at the mirror, I noticed how beautiful I am truly is. If you're going to ask me why I used is, it is because if you say was, it would mean that you were beautiful before but not anymore now.

- Consistency. Consistency is always important in a story. You should always use past tense as I said but use present tense when needed.

- Proper punctuations. You can either use this:

please." or
please",

but most authors prefer the former since it's easier. I also use it.

- Pattern. Not really that disturbing but I prefer a pattern when reading & writing stories.
Pattern: Dialogue...description...dialogue...etc.
Pattern: Dialogue
Description
Dialogue
Dialogue
etc.
Your pattern has also no consistency. You should only resort to one at most.

"Minsche, please." I said as soon as I got inside the taxi cab. (This is supposed to be the correct in terms of all)

- Lots of dialogues. Some people got too bored when they read a story with too many dialogues since it doesn't help them visualize the story at all. I suggest to add more descriptions and lessen the dialogues, that's what I do in my stories. If you're writing a story with lots of dialogues, you might as well write a script. It's just like reading that crappy Filipino book with so much dialogues. Dialogues are important but don't overload them.

- Originality / uniqueness. Your story is common to lots of people. The key there is to have your own uniqueness. Not having a unique quality makes your story the same as the stories they have read before.

And just as I said, I didn't post this to make you feel bad or something so don't take it the wrong way. Very Happy afro


Last edited by Beejayadmin on Fri Dec 18 2009, 14:13; edited 1 time in total

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Re: My Driver, my Destiny

Post by cuteako27 on Wed Dec 09 2009, 01:15

i wanna read all of ur storiess Smile but too bad im kinda feelin lazzy now. Smile ill read it this weekend. tnx for posting Smile
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Re: My Driver, my Destiny

Post by cuteako27 on Sat Dec 19 2009, 04:24

what a verryy long critique beraa.. haha Smile)
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